Reality

            To be honest, everything is not supposed to be similar like the others. Some were good, but seemed odd. I was reluctant to make it happen, because I don't think it's good enough like the rest. So I threw them away. It may seem like a low spirit, but nah. Everything is actually all right; just need to squeeze some feelings out to make me feel reassured, instead of bottling it up.

Stories

            I rarely ask questions. I usually keep my mouth shut, and sometimes people would come and tell. I just let it be, and listen, but I will pay full attention to it, because sometimes it's shocking, yet interesting, and some are sad, that made me feel like I want to hug it out and say sorry. A source of amazement. Full of surprises. Unpredictable as well! People usually tell out of nowhere and usually it caught me off guard.
            Sometimes I feel guilty for knowing. Sometimes I don't, because it's a relief to me, that can make my day. But still, I won't feel right about it, because I'm not supposed to know these stories.

Fear

            I'm afraid that at the very end, it won't matter anymore. I'm afraid that I will regret for putting so much effort into this. It might not look like it, but actually deep down, it does. I am actually trying.
            I don't know if you're annoyed, or reluctant. If you're annoyed, tell me. I'll leave you alone. I'll give you some space. If you want me to disappear, I can. If you want me to wait, I will; we can wait together if you like. If you have it as well, you know where to find me. Let's just hope by the time you do, I am still in the same place, like I am at the moment.
            Just remember this, "One day you will realize you lost a diamond while too busy collecting stones."

Puzzles

            Things were supposed to fall into the exact places, like every puzzle piece where it would be placed in its exact position; where it is meant to be placed. A puzzle game usually causes someone to feel confused because they cannot understand or make sense of anything. But once the puzzle is complete, usually that someone would feel satisfied about it because he or she solved it. Some are difficult and some are obvious, yet we would not give up until we solve our own puzzles in real life. We would only give up when we have to.

            Recently, I solved a puzzle. A puzzle that was supposed to make me fall into the exact place where I should be, where I would feel fine like I usually would after I did it. The puzzle was easy, yet difficult for me to solve it. It was tricky because of anxiety. Anxiety holds me back. Every opportunity I get, the every moment I should’ve done, were supposed to be done well, but instead I messed it up and miss every bit of it. Always, just because of anxiety.

            The puzzle only made me feel fine for a while. I thought I can proceed back. But instead, I’m actually not one step ahead. I’m still in the same position where I have been, but more intense. I’m stuck. I was told what I was supposed to do, but I didn’t take the advice. I regret it.