Puzzles

            Things were supposed to fall into the exact places, like every puzzle piece where it would be placed in its exact position; where it is meant to be placed. A puzzle game usually causes someone to feel confused because they cannot understand or make sense of anything. But once the puzzle is complete, usually that someone would feel satisfied about it because he or she solved it. Some are difficult and some are obvious, yet we would not give up until we solve our own puzzles in real life. We would only give up when we have to.

            Recently, I solved a puzzle. A puzzle that was supposed to make me fall into the exact place where I should be, where I would feel fine like I usually would after I did it. The puzzle was easy, yet difficult for me to solve it. It was tricky because of anxiety. Anxiety holds me back. Every opportunity I get, the every moment I should’ve done, were supposed to be done well, but instead I messed it up and miss every bit of it. Always, just because of anxiety.

            The puzzle only made me feel fine for a while. I thought I can proceed back. But instead, I’m actually not one step ahead. I’m still in the same position where I have been, but more intense. I’m stuck. I was told what I was supposed to do, but I didn’t take the advice. I regret it.