Out for coffee

          Here I am, sitting alone in the best café in town, waiting for my friends while they order their pies. I only ordered black coffee, not in the mood to eat the pies here, even though the pies here are out of this world.

          On my left, I see people with their MacBook, looking at their screen constantly while sipping coffee. Probably watching YouTube, or reading social media statuses, and probably they're here because of the free Internet. While on my right, I see people talking to each other, laughing at each other’s joke, flirting with one another. And I’m here all alone.

“Stop observing people, dude. You’re making them insecure.” said Matthew when he approached to me.

          I spoke too soon. Matthew is a friend of mine back when we were in middle school; a friend who likes to woo women, make sarcastic comments, and acting, which he doesn't know he's terrible at.

“There you are. What took you so long?” I asked.

“Well, I’m sorry. Sam there can’t pick which pies she wants, and I’m here because I want to tell you to stop creeping everyone out.”

          Sam is another friend of mine, who likes to motivate people, give her shoulders for people to cry on, listen to their every problem and give advice to them on what to do. Like a therapist, but she doesn’t want to be one.

“I’m not creeping them out.” I told Matthew.

“Yeah, you are. Look at that girl over there, with the pink MacBook. She's packing her things because she thinks you are stalking her. Right now she’s in a rush to leave the café because you made her feel uncomfortable!”

          Not sure whether what Matthew just said is true or he’s just messing around.

“Matt, probably she’s just shy, like you when you went to the audition for a 3-second-hobo scene last Saturday, which you couldn't even get.” I insulted.

“Oh fuck off.”

“Fuck you too.” I said with a smile.

“Hey, why are you guys cursing each other?” Sam came to us and asked.

“Oh, nothing, Robert here thinks I suck in acting.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“Well, Matthew, you are pretty horrible.” Sam said without thinking. She widened her eyes and tried to make a smooth recovery, "No offence, just being honest."

“Oh my god. You know what? Robert, fuck you!” yelled Matthew while giving him the middle finger. "And you, Sam, ever since I developed an infatuation towards you, you always agree with him, even if it's an insult. You don't even care how that makes me feel. It hurts, Sam, especially when you both are laughing at me after humiliated me, making me feel like shit.” He vented.

“Wait. Sorry, what? You like me?" Sam asked. "Dude, I thought you were gay." She continued.

          As soon as she said that, I never laughed so hard in my entire life; which got teared me up and made my stomach hurt. I can’t believe she just said that.

“What the fuck?!” Matthew shouted.

          Somehow, they got into a fight, which went on for a while. I tried to stop them because everyone in the café was looking at us. They made a scene. Matthew started making insulting jokes about me while trying to make a point to Sam, which got me into the fight as well, and I somehow insulted Sam. I don’t even know how.

“That's it! Sam and Robert, you can kiss my ass goodbye, I’m done with guys! Fucking idiots.” Matthew shouted.

“Me too!” Sam cried.

          Both of them left the café immediately. I sat back down, thinking what just happened. After a while, I decided to leave the café. I can’t believe it. Just like that, and 10 years of friendship, gone.

“Order for Sam!” the barista called. “Order for Sam?” He tried again.